


Dark

by ClillaryHinton



Category: Ghostbusters (2016)
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Light Angst, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-18
Updated: 2017-04-18
Packaged: 2018-10-20 16:07:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10666143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ClillaryHinton/pseuds/ClillaryHinton
Summary: During a blackout, Erin kisses... someone in the dark.





	Dark

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [В темноте](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16065527) by [fandom Women 2018 (WTF_Women_2018)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/WTF_Women_2018/pseuds/fandom%20Women%202018)



> As usual, my knocker stuff is your knocker stuff, Hols.

The storm had raged for hours when darkness descended on New York like hammer fall. Holtzmann was in the middle of something when the fire station sunk into black. Her welding equipment fizzled out and when she pushed her mask up and nothing changed, for a disconcerting moment, she thought she was blind. Rationally, she knew that's not how blindness worked, but after the brightness of the torch, the darkness of the old station in a blacked-out Manhattan might as well have been blindness.

She heard Patty's colorful swearing as she spilled coffee on herself. Abby's muttering when she couldn't read the monitor anymore. Holtzmann silently congratulated herself for foreseeing this and making the ghost containment units automatically switch to the spare generator in case of power outage. They had all agreed that the thick walls of the fire station offered better protection than anywhere else and decided to stay and hunker down.

"Holtzmann?"

It was hard to pinpoint where Erin's voice came from, it bounced off the walls of the huge building.

"Right here."

She stayed put, so Erin wouldn't have any trouble finding her in her usual spot. Holtzmann knew Erin's shameful secret: the big, bad ghostbuster was afraid of the dark. Holtzmann loved the dark. She was a night owl, always had been. Such interesting things happened in darkness.

"Holtz?"

"Right here, babe."

Sometimes she forgot herself and something like that slipped out. A “babe”. Sometimes "sweetie". Once even a "honey". She had endearment tourettes when it came to Erin. She didn't think she noticed, especially now, being distracted by the dark.

Erin walked into Holtzmann's arms and she hugged her soothingly. Erin wasn't normally this open with her need for reassurance, but the sea of pitch black was a lot if you were afraid of the dark.

Hand in hand, they slowly made their way down to Abby and Patty on the ground floor. Erin didn't let go. Holtzmann silently thanked the darkness. There was no risk of a surprised look from their fellow ghostbusters if you held someone's hand in the dark. She closed her eyes and focused on the feeling. It was stupid. It was pitch black, so no need. Sometimes when Erin touched her, she couldn't help doing it. If she didn't use all senses, Erin's touch felt more intense.

They went through how to handle this, what safety measures to take and what to do if they had a bust in pitch darkness. Patty told an anecdote about another famous New York power outage. Holtzmann told her it was an awesome story, but truth was, she was distracted. Erin was sitting so close to her, shoulder-to-shoulder, almost hip-to-hip. Erin was afraid of the dark, so she stayed close to Holtzmann to feel safe. Holtzmann smiled to herself.

***

Erin couldn't sleep. Total darkness was unnerving and seemed to move and change. She threw her robe on and walked through the fire station. She felt intensely stupid for not owning a flashlight, or at least bringing one of the candles Patty had left in the kitchen area, with strict instructions not to waste. She was going to look out one of the big windows for the moon. Or go to the kitchen and waste one of Patty's candles and make a cup of tea. Anything to shake the strange feeling she had.     

  
She jumped when she saw the shadow half-way up the stairs. Then she realised that it was just someone else wandering around sleepless. It was hard to determine the person's size, standing on the stairs like that. She would have doubted it was a living, breathing person if she hadn't seen it move earlier. 

"Kevin…?"

She got closer. The shadow took on the shape of a person, bending down to meet her. Erin made a split-second decision: too much of her life was spent second-guessing herself. There was something she had wanted to do for so long. In the darkness, she might dare.

Just like she had imagined, the lips were warm and full against her own. Their owner was a great kisser. She made an involuntary, soft noise and deepened it.

It ended as soon as it had begun, and as suddenly. Hurried footsteps echoed through the station, heavy boots leaving Erin confused and alone at the base of the stairs. She touched her lips. Another sensation battled confusion: arousal.

***

The next day, she almost doubted herself in the daylight. Had it really happened? Everyone acted just like they normally did. Except maybe Erin. Because it had absolutely happened. She remembered soft, warm lips and a silky tongue against her own. She felt restless and found it hard to focus. She almost wished for the darkness to return.

She glanced at Kevin, sitting at his desk playing with a pencil and a rubber band. He smiled vacantly at her. They were disturbed by Holtzmann knocking something over on the second floor and the unmistakable smell of fire, followed by the smell of a chemical fire extinguisher. Kevin managed to spill the cup of coffee he had forgotten to bring to Abby earlier all over the phones. Again.

Subconsciously, she touched her lips.

***

Holtzmann should have stayed in her room that night. She really should have. She'd read that criminals often returned to the scene of the crime. It had always surprised her: why take that risk, unless you were looking to get caught? But now she knew. Here she was again, half-way up the stairs. She sat down, heavily.

Here she was on the exact spot where they had kissed. She remembered the feeling of the ridge in that particular step under the sole of her boot. Right before she kissed her. Not during it. While it lasted, she only thought of Erin. Or…thought was the wrong word. She felt her, all around her. She felt her in herself, in some strange way. It was disorienting. She had never forgotten about herself like that. She almost didn't remember to run.

Holtzmann knew she didn't see the world as others did. She saw what it consisted of, not just its function. Atoms, quarks, quantum mechanics, the interplay of time and space. The likeliness of a material to hold and what composite might be a better replacement. How a machine could be improved on levels not visible to the naked eye. What it might look like disassembled. A person was a heart pumping with a certain frequency, brain waves in the flow and groove stages, DNA, RNA. She saw beyond the surface.

Then, there was Erin. Holtzmann got distracted by the light around her. Sometimes she looked at other people to see if they saw it too. But it seems she might be the only one. Erin was immensely bigger than the sum of her parts. Why didn't others see how hot she burned?  

Here she was, crying, because it was the best and the worst thing that had happen to her. Holtzmann hadn't known someone could make her that happy. And so sad.  

***

She was getting up to leave when she heard the soft steps. She meant to move, she really did. _Erin, don't._ She almost said it. She almost got up and left. But then Erin's lips were on hers and she couldn't help herself, she was lost.

She felt Erin's hand move more than saw it. Expecting to land on a strong, manly, suntanned neck. Not the pale skin of her friend. She backed away. _What had she done? What had she done again?_

***

Holtzmann hasn't slept for two nights now. The first because she was so high on Erin and couldn't stop thinking about kissing her, the second because of a crippling shame. The first time hadn't been all her fault. Maybe she should have said something, but she panicked and didn't want to make it awkward between them and thought it might be better if Erin simply got to think she had kissed Kevin and not her fellow ghostbuster. Not even Holtzmann, smitten as she was, was blind to how messy it could get between her and Erin if she knew about the crush she had on her. Ruining her relationship with Erin would ruin it for the team, and the team was her family.

But the second time? That was on her. There was no excuse for what she had done: kissing Erin without her consent, or at least deceiving her. It was shameful, and ate away at her, leaving her with red rimmed eyes and hands shaking from sleep deprivation. Coffee had long since stopped being of help. She hadn't eaten since yesterday, her stomach refused to accept anything but coffee or water. She had to go to her and tell her the truth. Her stomach ached at the thought of ruining things. She clung to the hope that she would be able to accept her apology and move on. Holtzmann hated the idea of Erin being upset. Being the cause of it killed her.      

It felt like Erin was never alone. She loved Abby and Patty like sisters, but it seemed they were everywhere today and always around Erin. It was afternoon before she got her alone and she had waited so long by then, she almost lost her courage.

"Erin…?"

"Yeah?"

"Can we... Can we talk?"

Erin smiled.

"We can."

Holtzmann found it hard to stand still and tried to stop shifting her weight from one foot to another. She should have waited for tonight, when she didn't have to be afraid to cry in front of Erin, in the dark.

"I've done something...terrible."

"I see."

Holtzmann didn't know why Erin was still smiling. But she made herself continue.

"Itwasn'tKevinyoukissed."

There. It was finally out there. Erin...laughed?

"I know."

"You...do?"

"You tasted like those coffee candies you like."

"Oh…"

"Kevin hates coffee. Then there was that other thing."

"There was?"

"You were so _good_ at it. Kevin's attractive. But I don't believe he would know how to kiss a woman like that. It had to be you."

"If you knew all along, how come…"

"...I didn't say anything? I needed you to talk to me, Holtz. Stop running away, be honest."

"I'm sorry."

"I'm not. But I am sorry if I hurt you."

"So, you kissed me because…"

"Because I... wanted to? Yeah."

"So…"

"So, I've promised Abby these calculations would be done before five. But talk later? Tonight?"

 _Tonight._ Wasn't that the most magical word? _Tonight,_ they would talk about how she had kissed Erin and how Erin had known it was her and kissed her back. _Tonight._

***

Holtzmann ate ravenously and slept like a baby, before waking up to _tonight_. She was a confident person. Normally. But tonight, Erin would see her, darkness or not. It was terrifying, but in the best possible way.

Erin had lit a candle. Just one: they were kind of hard to come by, with all of New York desperately seeking light sources. There was wine. Holzmann had not expected that. Wine told another story than the narrative she expected.

"Hi."

"Hello."

She would have lied if she said it wasn't awkward. But there were many kinds of awkward and this? This was the best kind. This was the kind of awkward that happened because new ground was broken and contracts were still being negotiated.

Erin offers her a glass of the dark red.

"I thought we could use some lubrication."

She was quiet for a few moments before she pulled a face.

"OK, so I just heard what that sounded like. I meant _social_ lubrication. Not...the other kind."

Holtzmann smiled. Flustered Erin was one of her favorites.

"Wine sounds great."

She congratulated herself on resisting the temptation to make lube related jokes as she took the glass and sat down next to Erin. This time with a respectful distance, just to be on the safe side. She braced for a long discussion on how this was a complicated situation. Complicated was not her forte. But she would try, for Erin. 

"So. I guess we need to talk."

"Yeah, guess so."

The candle flickers and goes out. Erin sighs and busies herself with lighting it again. It refuses stubbornly. There's something wrong with the wick. She could light another match, but they need to save those as well. There they are again, alone in the dark, hardly even being able to see the outline of the other person.

"You know what? I don't want to do this."

An icy hand squeezed Holtzmann's heart. Then Erin moved. Holtzmann felt her more than saw her motions.

Erin's warm breath is on her cheek now.

"Can you just...kiss me again?"

She does. Body and soul. Erin moans. It's a soft, low, drawn-out sound. Holtzmann has heard it before and if it were up to her, she'd hear it for the rest of her life.

"Damn it, Holtzmann… You are so good at that."

Erin's hand tentatively slides inside Holtzmann's shirt and lands on her shoulder. Holtzmann carefully puts her hand on Erin's hip, but removes it again.

Erin grabs it and puts it in the small of her back, moving closer. She starts to pull the pins out of her hair. She scrapes her nails along Holtzmann's neck and runs her fingers through the wild strands coming loose.

Holtzmann hates that she can't see Erin's face and read her reaction. But at the same time, she loves it. She doesn't have to hide like this, doesn't have to worry that Erin can see on her face how in love she is, the affection she works so hard on hiding every day. Still, she's afraid she's being too intense and tries to pull back a little, to give them both a chance to catch their breath. She doesn't want to scare Erin away.

"Holtzmann?"

"Yes…?"

"Consent is implied by me touching you, can you please touch me back?"

"Oh. OK."

"Erin…"

"Mmhmm?"

Holtzmann can hardly get words out between the laboured breaths. She knew she wanted Erin, more than she had wanted anyone before. But she couldn't have predicted what an assault on her senses this would be. How defenceless she would feel against a simple touch. 

"If you don't want to go further than kissing, I'm going to need you to stop...doing...that."

 _That_ is something strange Erin is doing with the soft skin behind her ear and her earlobe: it conspires with her hand in the soft hairs of her hairline to turn her on to the point of distraction.

"I've been on fire since you kissed me. It's like I can't function."

Erin sounds almost accusatory.

Holtzmann is the one who almost can't function properly now.

"You don't want to...talk?"

She grinds the words out between kisses.

"I don't want to wait for you anymore, Holtzmann. I've waited long enough."

Someone knocks a wine glass over, it's hard to tell who in the dark. Tidy Erin stops Holtzmann from doing anything about it. She wraps her arms around her.

"No, no... stay close to me."

She does. Forever, if Erin just asks.

She stops holding back. Erin takes a sharp breath when she starts unbuttoning her shirt, but it's the good kind, judging by how she impatiently shrugs it off.

Holtzmann's second favourite part of ghostbusting is pulling out one of her weapons and make it purr like a cat. Obliterating a ghost. Feeling like a superhero for a few minutes.

Her favourite part is getting ready with Erin. Almost being able to see the adrenaline pumping and her heart race as they change. Her strong shoulders as she gets out of her sweater and into the jumpsuit. Her endless legs as she slides her jeans down and steps out of them. Holtzmann tries not to stare when she stands there in nothing but her bra. She really does. It doesn't matter if she's in a lacey matched set or in a simple t-shirt bra and cotton briefs. Both makes Holtzmann's pulse race and her mouth dry.

Then there's afterward and Erin is restless with excitement, going over their actions again, retelling everything, laughing about the details or scrunching her forehead up in worry when she thinks back to when one of them got a little reckless. And she dances. And laughs and sometimes drinks, recklessly. Well, recklessly for being Erin. And she touches her. Frequent, warm, easy touches, nothing like the awkward groping of Kevin. A hand on her arm, on her shoulder, a squeeze of her elbow, a hug. Sometimes she just stands really close, shoulders and arms touching, hips sometimes. Like excitement and adrenaline drives her closer to Holtzmann. She adores that. She adores Erin like that.

It's funny how her favourite thing about ghostbusting has nothing to do with catching ghosts.

It doesn't matter that it's so dark now that they can barely make each other out. Holtzmann has memorised every detail of Erin. When she kisses her shoulder, she sees it in her mind, the way it looks when Holtzmann is trying not to stare at Erin when she gets out of her jumpsuit, sliding it over her shoulders and down to her waist. She's not naked underneath of course. Erin is sensible, she thinks about what might happen if they have to remove their jumpsuits on the job. But it doesn't matter, Holtzmann doesn't need naked. Not with Erin. Strangely, it's enough to see a shoulder, a collarbone or even her ankle to make her heart race. Once she'd had to compose herself by taking a deep breath after touching Erin's naked elbow, it was the strangest thing.  

She hears Erin gasp as she kisses her breast. Her hips roll up into Holtzmann's and the truth almost blinds her in the dark: Erin wants her like Holtzmann wants Erin. _Tonight_ will be their first night. Erin might even have...feelings for her. She almost loses focus from the immensity of that thought. But Erin fumbles with the button fly of her pants and she snaps right back to the moment. She saves them time by getting up and kicking shoes and pants off, before kneeling and sliding Erin's tight jeans over her hip bones. She loves the little dips just above and kisses them on the way down. Erin tugs at her underwear and Holtzmann obediently shimmies out of them, trying not to freak out at the thought that she's now naked with Erin.

There's some fumbling, some mumbled apologies at an awkwardly placed hand, but it gets so much better when they get close and shape their bodies after one another. When all of you is skin-to-skin with someone else, you don't need light to find your way.

She lies back down and Erin rolls over and presses up against her and Holtzmann feels _everything_. So far, she's been able to picture it in her mind, every inch of Erin. But this? This is new. Them, wrapped around each other. She has no visual references for this: naked Erin in her arms. But her other senses are screaming at her how soft Erin is, how good she feels, how her scent is familiar and unfamiliar at the same time, being this close to her for the first time. Erin is brave in the dark. Holtzmann should have remembered that. She cups her ass and pulls her closer. Holtzmann completely loses momentum while kissing her way down her neck when Erin cups her breast.

Erin rolls over on her back and Holtzmann's hands go up her calf, around her knee and along her inner thigh. She really wishes she could have seen her naked now: Erin has the greatest legs. She drags the tips of her fingers along the soft skin and listens to Erin's breathing getting heavier. Gently, she pushes her knees apart and her new lover eagerly follows her cue. Holtzmann gets access to the lovely, hot, slick folds. Gently, she cups her sex and Erin groans. She doesn't have to ask if she wants this. Her palm is covered in her arousal. She takes her time. She blames the darkness and how it's more difficult to find your way without light. It isn't really. She just loves feeling Erin getting wetter, hard and swollen under her hand, listening to her response. Erin is hot and tight around her fingers as she pushes into her gently. Holtzmann can feel the tension. It doesn't take much, just a little increased pressure at the right moment, adjusting the other hand inside Erin, moving against her soft walls. Erin's nails dig into her neck in an involuntary motion as she comes. Holtzmann thinks to herself that she needs that mark on her to remind herself tomorrow that this really happened.  

Erin pulls her down in the cradle of her thighs. The sigh of contentment when she does makes Holtzmann's heart skip a beat. She's fine even if Erin doesn't want to do anything sexual to her, just getting to touch is more than she could have dreamed about that morning. But there's a tentative hand between them now, carefully exploring new territory. Holtzmann is so aroused from touching Erin that she thinks it won't take long for her to… _Please, Erin. Don't stop._ She doesn't need anything fancy or complicated, just Erin. Erin kisses her, deeply. Holtzmann still can't quite get over that she's allowed to do that. Having Erin initiate is intoxicating. 

"Does it feel good?"

Holtzmann just groans and presses her face against her neck. She sucks the soft skin under her jawline, needing Erin's taste on her tongue when she comes. She inhales the scent of Erin and she falls over the edge with the mixture of sweat, arousal and the last of the tuberose perfume that Erin likes filling her senses.

Erin is cuddly after sex, soft and pliable. She rubs up against her back, like a cat. Wraps her arms around her. Holtzmann feels high on the sensation and from coming in her arms. She tries not to ask, but she can't help herself.

"Erin...what happened with you and Kevin?"

She didn't want to know. And wanted to know more than anything in the world.

"You happened, Jillian," Erin said softly.

"You're what happened to my interest in Kevin. One day, I just had feelings for you. Way more than you would for a friend. I always thought you were attractive. You're beautiful, Holtz… Guess it took me a while to figure out that I wanted to act on it. When I found you in the dark, I just knew. I had to kiss you. I had to know what it was like." 

"And what was it like?"

"Lovely. So hot…Obviously, since we're here."

"I tried so hard not to fall in love with you."

"I hope this means you failed, Holtz."

"I did. Probably on day one."

***

Just before sunrise, the lights come back on. It's blinding, after these dark nights.

Erin sits up straight in confusion and pulls the sheet up to cover herself as she looks at Holtzmann.  

Holtzmann takes her hand.

"Don't. You're beautiful."

"Just caught me off guard, that’s all."

Erin lets go of her white-knuckle grip. The sheet falls. She shakes her head.

"I'm not sorry. Not even a little."

Holtzmann tries not to stare. But not very hard.

***

"Can I see you tonight?"

_Every night, always._

Holtzmann just nods and smiles. It's too soon for _always_.

Erin bends over the desk and whispers in her ear.

"It'll be like doing it for the first time, in the light."

 _Again._ Another magic word. _Tonight, again._

It _was_ like doing it for the first time. Seeing Erin's eyes fly shut when she kissed her inner thigh was new. Seeing the look on her face the first time she kissed her sex. Holtzmann thought that nothing could be hotter than hearing Erin come. But seeing it? Holtzmann would remember every breath and every motion until the day she died. She swore she could hear her own heartbeat in the quiet room. Erin says nobody has looked at her the way Holtzmann does. No one has made her feel like Holtzmann does.

***

A few days later, they go for a walk in the park near the fire station. It's windy and Erin's hair keeps blowing in her eyes. Holtzmann smooths it away from her forehead and tucks it behind her ear. Without warning, Erin pushes her up against a tree and kisses her, deeply. It's broad, radiant daylight.


End file.
